Sunday, June 12, 2011

Children and the Memories They Bring

It has been awhile since I have been on here. I read back to my last post and we were on our way to Minnesota. I was never so happy to be home!! Although seeing Nates Grandparents and enjoying the memories that were made there, being cooped up in a small apartment with a very active five year old little girl and two elderly grands made it stressful for this Mom. You don't realize how much you adapt and adjust to otheres until you are in situations. What I mean is that Emme got away with a WHOLE lot lore that she ever woul have at home because of the situation we were in. I didn't want Raulf and Lois to think that we were to hard on her. I think by the time we left they may have been thinking "why didn't they spank that girl" hahaha. No all that aside, she was very good on the trip and it was great to see everyone and for Emme to build those memories that may be harder and harder to get as they age. It sure was nice to get home though... 12 hours in a car with Emme.... KILL ME NOW!!! hahaha

The reason I decided to blog today was because of a situation that I found myself if this past week. Emme started school on Monday... well it is a pre-K program for the summer school part. Anyhow, she was terrified that she wouldn't have any friends and no one would like her. Emme is my youngest and my last and seeing this fear in her broke my heart. I cried all the way to work on Monday after the teacher literally pryed her off my leg. I realized that I would never have this opportunity again. I would never take my baby to her first day of school.... it broke my heart. Needless to say I recouped before I got to work and when I got off work she had all kinds of stories to tell and couldn't wait to go back the next day.

On Wednesday she was outside after school with Rileigh and the neighbor girls. Apparently she was showing the other girls how she was chasing a boy at school and she fell..... From inside the house I heard the scream that no mother wants to hear.... you know the one....  the "I'm HURT and it's not my feelings" scream. I jumped off the couch and by the time I made it to the door Emme and Rileigh were coming inside. Emme was screaming "I fell on my eye!!! I fell on my eye!!!" Immediately, being a nurse, I thought she had put her eye out. I moved her hand and was relieved to find the her eyeball was undamaged. Her face was scraped from her cheekbone on the left side to just under the eye, another scrape on the brow and two on the forehead. We headed to the bathroom to clean up while Rileigh filled me in on what had happened. The damage didn't SEEM to bad after all the dirt was cleaned off. A few hours later she was still whimpering, I would have been to if I was her. Her eye was slightly more swollen and wheeping a little. She said "mom I can't go to school I look like a fool." I said "Emme just tell them you fell down." She replied "Mama only fools fall down." I laughed to myself that such a small girl could make such a big assumption. I made a deal with her that if her eye was swollen the next morning that she could stay home. Needless to say.... it was swollen SHUT!!! She stayed home Thursday and Friday. When I called the school to tell them, the receptionist, asked me three times "so she fell off her bike?" Even though I had told her exactly what had happened it was as though she was trying to get me to change my story..... WEIRD..... in reality it was prolly my own fear that people would think that I had somehow caused the wounds on her face. On Thursday I took Emme to Rileighs softball game. EVERYONE wanted to see her "owie". She was embarrassed at first then she began to just stand still instead of trying to hide behind me each time the question was asked "what happened to your eye." I told the same story over and over again. Friday evening I noticed that there was alot of slough on the wounds. I knew they had to be cleaned and I DREADED the thought of cleaning them. I thought about the fear she would have and the fight she would put out. I pictured Nate and I having to hold her down just to clean the wounds so they wouldn't get infected. I decided to tell Emme that at some point we would have to clean the "owies". She was scared and I could see that in her eyes. She said she would tell me when she was ready. A little later Wade went outside and Emme wanted to go. I told her that she couldn't go out with her face looking like that. She could go out after it was cleaned. She seemed to get excite and was thinking intently. She mustarded up the courage to tell me she was ready.... man was she a TROOPER!!! I was able to get all the slough area off the wounds and they were able to dry out some. She has let me clean them twice a day since!!! Today they look SOOOO much better. It's funny though.... her attitude and demeanor never changed. She still played like Emme, talked like Emme, whined like Emme, and made me smile like Emme.... She just didn't look like the same Emme. Everytime she would jump around, or change skin would crawl, I would get chills, I would get this sick feeling in my stomach. This was all because I was scared myself that she would hurt herself. I finally realized that if she wasn't scared, I shouldn't be scared. Kids get hurt, they fall down, they say silly things, they may lie, cheat at school, but no matter what they do.... it is a new MEMORY made that I will forever hold in my heart.